Amidst a recent decline in support from likely primary voters, presidential candidate Hillary Clinton was assured by campaign staffers Monday that her drop in the polls was merely an indication that people have not yet abandoned their ideals. CONT. The Onion Read more »

In light of Donald Trump’s controversial comments about Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly and the Republican Party’s divisive views on Planned Parenthood, many are wondering how the party will win the female vote in next year’s presidential election. Here are some ways the GOP can appeal more to the nation’s […] Read more »

Don’t look that up … Pillage … I hope no women are watching … CONT. The Onion Read more »

… Arctic drilling companies must employ those whom they will displace … Drones must be carbon-neutral … Reclassify bullets as air pollution … CONT. Brian McFadden, The Strip, New York Times Read more »

… Moderators to enforce rules giving candidates equal time to talk over each other … The complete implosion of at least one human being’s hopes and dreams … Frequent appearance of “[inaudible shouting]” on TVs with closed captioning … CONT. The Onion Read more »

With most respondents stating that they simply aren’t ready for such a major commitment, a Gallup poll released Wednesday confirmed that a majority of Americans are not looking for a serious, long-term candidate right now. … Many voters said they were also enjoying the freedom to pursue no-strings-attached arrangements with […] Read more »