Interrupted midway through answering a question about how he would reform the nation’s tax code, Republican presidential candidate Rand Paul was reportedly escorted off stage roughly an hour into Tuesday’s GOP primary debate after falling below the minimum 2.5 percent polling threshold necessary for participating in the forum. CONT. The […] Read more »
Carson Plummets in Polls Amid Reports He Did Not Stab Anyone
New reports indicating that Ben Carson might not have actually stabbed anyone during his youth have sent the retired neurosurgeon plummeting in the latest Republican Presidential polls. CONT. Andy Borowitz, Borowitz Report Read more »
New G.O.P. Debate Format Forbids Questions About Things Candidates Said, Did
According to a format negotiated between the Republican National Committee and the television networks, future Presidential debates during the 2016 campaign will strictly forbid questions about things the candidates “said” or “did,” the R.N.C. confirmed on Monday. Reince Priebus, the chairman of the R.N.C., said that the deal addressed the […] Read more »
Last-Minute Halloween Costumes
Instant House Speaker Kit Includes: gavel, empty suit and a list of the Freedom Caucus’s demands. CONT. Brian McFadden, The Strip, New York Times Read more »
With Webb Out of Race, Chafee Surges to Two Per Cent
In the aftermath of former Virginia senator James Webb’s announcement that he is quitting the Democratic Presidential primary, a new poll shows his bitter rival Lincoln Chafee surging to two per cent of likely voters. CONT. Andy Borowitz, Borowitz Report Read more »
Democratic Debate Tweaks
… If all else fails, we’ll introduce a new character so the public won’t lose interest. CONT. Brian McFadden, The Strip, New York Times Read more »