Swing state suffocation … Safe state depression … Down-ballot blindness CONT. Brian McFadden, The Strip, New York Times Read more »
U.S. Consumer Confidence Shaken After Mom Buys Wrong Kind Of Tortilla Chips
Describing the occurrence as a troubling indicator for the U.S. economy, a University of Michigan report released Thursday revealed that consumer confidence was shaken this month after Cincinnati-area mom Leslie Barger bought the wrong kind of tortilla chips. CONT. The Onion Read more »
Poll Finds Many Voters Would Support Equally Unlikable Third-Party Candidate
Reflecting widespread dissatisfaction with the two major parties’ presumptive nominees for president, a Gallup poll released Monday found that a sizable segment of the U.S. electorate would strongly consider supporting an equally unlikable third-party candidate in the general election. CONT. The Onion Read more »
Ted Cruz’s Path to the Presidency
Prematurely announcing the rest of his cabinet. … Using puppets to create the illusion of friends. … Holding a shadow convention to distract from the real one. CONT. Brian McFadden, The Strip, New York Times Read more »
Cruz Hopes To Tap Into Immense Popularity of Carly Fiorina
In choosing the former Hewlett-Packard C.E.O. Carly Fiorina as his running mate, Senator Ted Cruz hopes to tap into the immense popularity of one of the most beloved public figures in America. CONT. Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker Carly Fiorina: Favorability ratings Read more »
Nate Silver Blinded By Gods For Seeking Forbidden Knowledge Of Future
Enraged by his public pronouncements regarding that which is yet to be, the almighty gods on high are said to have blinded political statistician Nate Silver this week as punishment for seeking forbidden knowledge of the future. CONT. The Onion Read more »