Republicans on Friday expressed bafflement that President Obama had garnered a record-high second-term approval rating despite having turned the United States into an economically devastated, crime-ridden hellhole. CONT. Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker Read more »
Open-Minded Voter Waits Almost 5 Minutes Into Debate To Decide Who Won
Giving both nominees an equal opportunity to make their case, open-minded voter Jeremy Holcomb, 36, reportedly waited almost five minutes into Monday night’s presidential debate to decide which candidate had won. CONT. The Onion Read more »
The Onion: Dismembered Nate Silver Found In Dumpster Behind Gallup Headquarters
Calling the grisly crime scene “deeply disturbing,” Metropolitan Police confirmed Wednesday that the dismembered body of political statistician Nate Silver had been found in a dumpster behind the Gallup organization’s headquarters. CONT. The Onion Read more »
The Undecided Zone
Imagine, if you will, not having an opinion about this election. It happened to these voters in … The Undecided Zone. CONT. Brian McFadden, The Strip, New York Times Read more »
Poll: Unconscious Clinton more fit to be president than conscious Trump
In a positive development for the Democratic nominee for President, a new poll released on Sunday reveals that likely voters find an unconscious Hillary Clinton “substantially more fit” to be President than a conscious Donald Trump. … The same poll revealed that a broad majority of voters found an unconscious […] Read more »
Trump blames bad poll numbers on existence of numerical system
Donald J. Trump lashed out at a new target on Monday, blaming his bad poll numbers on the existence of the numerical system. In sometimes rambling remarks at an outdoor rally in Ohio, the Republican Presidential nominee called the numerical system “rigged” and unleashed a torrent of abuse on numbers […] Read more »